


January 10th, 2016

by Explicit



Category: David Bowie (Musician)
Genre: Comfort, Coping with Death, Gen, Grief, Hugging, Love, Sadness, Some coarse language, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 18:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Explicit/pseuds/Explicit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nights so cruel, I thought I'd die..</p>
            </blockquote>





	January 10th, 2016

**Author's Note:**

> Rest in Peace: David Bowie: January 8th, 1947 - January 10th, 2016.

"Said you took a big trip, they said you moved away.. Didn't know the right thing to say.. "

  
  
God, that song. Those words.

  
  
I heard the news and I was in shock, scrambling for any mentions of a hoax and hoping desperately it was not so, you had to still be alive, it had to be a cruel joke.

  
  
But it wasn't.

  
  
I don't remember the last time I cried so hard, my body trembling, my eyes swollen and red, a sick feeling in my guts and my head throbbing as my heart shattered into a billion unfixable shards. This pain, I thought for sure it would never go away, it was raw and it hurt. I wanted to die. What was it worth to me? Life, I mean. I had you, I always had had you and you were always there for me but now .. well, now you're not. And I still can't believe it. It just doesn't seem real. Surreal is a good word for this feeling. Like a bad dream I am soon hoping to be woken from.

  
But every morning I wake up to see the dawn and you don't, it hurts a little less but it still pains me. I lay on my bed and scream my anguish and sorrow into the pillows, it's just not fair, you didn't deserve that cruel fate, you were the most decent, kind hearted, loving and loyal man on the planet. You deserved better and I am bitter for it.

  
  
"Excuse me? What am I doing here?"

  
  
Fuck. I can.. I can hear you right now.

  
  
I slowly lifted my head, I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see as I was alone in my bedroom. I saw a blurred figure, standing by the window, as my bleary eyes blinked into focus, I gulped and a stream of hot tears began to flow anew as I saw him, David Bowie, just standing there, right there! By my bedroom window!

  
  
"Oh, you're upset. Shall I come back?" he asked me.

  
  
"No!" I sat up and quickly wiped my eyes, I must have looked a real mess but I didn't care, "please, don't go."

  
  
"I kind of have the feeling I should be elsewhere," he said, distractedly.

  
  
"Please," I pleaded with him, "just stay with me, just for a while?"

  
  
"Alright," he replied with a good natured laugh, "I haven't the faintest idea how I even got here anyway, to be quite honest!"

  
  
I smiled, but was I dreaming? I felt very much awake.

  
  
"There you go," he spoke approvingly, "you have such a lovely smile, you should do that more often."

  
  
"I don't think I could ever smile again," I said to him sadly.

  
  
"Why ever not?" he wondered, looking just a little confused.

  
  
"Because," I said softly, more hot tears flowing from my eyes, "you.. you're gone."

  
  
He stood in silence for a moment, taking in my words.

  
  
"That explains a few things," he finally smiled at me.

  
  
"How can you smile?" I asked him, "it hurts so much, David!"

 

  
"I'm fine," he shrugged, "I am sorry you're sad. But you do need to let me go, I can't stay here."

  
  
I felt my bottom lip quivering and my eyes welled up with big, fat tears, my chest began to tighten and I bawled into my hands. He sat down beside me and I felt his arms envleope my shaking body, like he was really there and I leaned into him for comfort. I instantly felt a sigh of relief escaping me, I settled down and began to breathe again.

  
  
"I'll always be with you," he said softly, "I am eternal, whenever you think of me, I shall be right there by your side. You may not see me as vividly as you do right now, but you will know that I am nearby."

  
  
I curled up and closed my eyes, I felt him running his fingers through my hair as I sobbed less and began to fall asleep.

 

  
But he wasn't there when I woke up.

  
  
Only..

  
  
He was.

  
  
He still is.

  
  
He always will be.

 

 

 

 

***


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